


Words Whispered on Moonless Nights

by The_Busy_Beee



Category: Dr. STONE (Anime), Dr. STONE (Manga)
Genre: Cancer, Character Death, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:00:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26641837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Busy_Beee/pseuds/The_Busy_Beee
Summary: Senku is a scientist, not a miracle worker, and as much as he'd love to be able to, he can't fix everything.
Relationships: Asagiri Gen/Ishigami Senkuu
Comments: 8
Kudos: 135





	Words Whispered on Moonless Nights

**Author's Note:**

> I cried my eyes out writing this today, because I needed to feel it. 💔
> 
> Please heed the warnings: there is no happy ending.
> 
> Please also note that I'm not an expert on cancer, nor have I or someone I'm extremely close to ever fought that battle (not while I was old enough to remember witnessing it). I apologize for any inaccuracies.

Gen knew what he had long before Senku did.

He'd watched his mother fight her way through it, eventually emerging haggard and frail but alive. He watched his father struggle and fight but eventually succumb to the beast named cancer. 

He knew he was at risk; it runs in both sides of his family, which is why he went for regular screenings pre-stone world. But there's really not much anyone can do for Gen here in the New Stone Age. 

Senku is making advances in humanity at incredible speeds. He's been able to make medicines and creams and pastes for all kinds of things, and has built machines Gen had only heard of in textbooks- but Senku can't cure his cancer. Senku is a scientist, not a miracle worker.

So Gen had kept his suspicions to himself.

He'd thought it was just a spring cold at first. He'd hoped that with some rest and warm food and drinks, it would go away, but the fatigue and aches never seemed to leave. Funnily enough, he didn't piece it together until the first nosebleed. 

And then it all made sense.

He’d considered telling Senku, at first, but Senku had even said it himself: there are some things he just can’t do- which is why Tsukasa is currently in a cryogenic state. Senku plans to turn him to stone and then reverse the petrification once more, effectively healing Tsukasa. Maybe, if he told Senku about it, the scientist could put him to sleep as well… He could lay in one of those cold chambers beside Tsukasa, still and silent, until Senku and everyone else finds a way to petrify them again. 

But who knows how long it could take..?

It’s already been months now, since Senku put Tsukasa under… would it be years, then, before the fighter was made to wake?

Would  _ he _ have to wait years as well..? In the same dark, loneliness he lived in for three thousand years..? What does it feel like to be frozen? Is it cold? Painful? Terrifying? He asks Tsukasa’s still body one day, but he receives no answer.

In the end, he can’t make himself say anything. Not when Senku smiles at him across the workbench like that, or makes cola “just because he had spare ingredients lying around”. When Senku tells people about  _ His _ Mentalist, praises Gen for his hard work, tells him none of this would be possible without him-

Gen can’t tell the scientist that he’s going to lose him one day soon.

So instead, he does everything he can to keep it a secret. 

To keep Senku smiling. 

He works when he can, and sneaks away when he feels sick. He’d always been thin skinned and bruised easily, but his robes cover most of the wounds. He and Senku usually only hold each other at night anyways, and in the shadows of their room, with only the moonlight reflecting off their eyes, it’s easy to hide the bruises on his pale skin that just won’t heal.

But the bad days come more frequently, and by the end of summer, as leaves are changing color again, Gen can hardly stomach anything. 

Senku notices.

Gen can feel Senku’s eyes on him at every turn, always watching, calculating, trying to piece it all together. It all comes to a head when Gen faints one day while helping the children prepare things for winter. While Gen is unconscious, Suika alerts Senku and the rest of the village, and by the time Gen wakes up, Senku obviously has a vague idea of what’s going on, because the first thing Gen focuses on when he blinks around the room is Senku’s grim expression at his bedside. 

“Senku-chan,” his voice is raspy and dry, and Senku is quick to help him sit up to drink some water. Once the mentalist is lying down again, furs tucked tight around his body and under his chin, Senku asks the questions Gen knew would be coming.

“How long have you known?”

“A while,” Gen answers truthfully. He doesn’t pretend not to know what Senku is talking about; not now, when Senku surely already knows. “I had suspicions at first, but as it progressed…”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” When Senku’s eyes meet his, they’re blazing. Full of hurt and anger, sadness and finality. “I thought we were-” he cuts himself off. Can’t bring himself to say the words. “Boyfriends.” “Dating.” “In love.” 

Senku never wanted to label it like that. They were in love, yes. They’d confessed it to each other, and yes, they were boyfriends, but Senku never liked the word. “It doesn’t sound like enough,” he’d murmured one night, calloused fingers trailing down Gen’s spine. “It’s an accurate label, but it doesn’t feel like enough.”

And Gen had to agree; just simply saying “boyfriends” didn’t seem to properly display what they were to one another- how much they meant to one another.

“Because I didn’t want you to make  _ that _ face,” Gen murmurs, slipping one hand out from under the furs to poke Senku’s cheek. 

“I wouldn’t be making this face if you weren’t such a stubborn asshole,” Senku snaps. His words are harsh, but the hand that takes Gen’s own, threads their fingers together, is gentle and warm. It makes Gen smile. 

“Is that a fact?”

“Ten billion percent,” Senku says with a nod of finality. “You should have told me sooner so I could have gotten the parts for another cryochamber prepared. It’s gonna take a couple days, but-”

“I don’t need it,” Gen squeezes Senku’s hand just a little bit tighter, making Senku scowl.

“Gen-”

“I don’t want it, Senku-chan,” Gen shakes his head, bicolored hair ruffling against the furs with every move. He watches Senku’s jaw clench, his throat bob as he swallows.   
  
“You’re going to  _ die _ if I don’t freeze you, Gen,” he whispers. “There’s not-” Gen can see Senku’s mind racing a mile a minute, “I don’t have even a fraction of the things I would need- there’s no way to-”

“I know,” Gen’s soft words have Senku’s own dying in his throat. “If you don’t freeze me now, I’m going to die in a matter of weeks… but I’m okay with that.”

_ “I’m not.” _ Senku drops Gen’s hand like he’s been burnt. 

“I don’t want to be frozen, Senku-chan,” Gen insists, sitting up and letting the furs pool around his waist. “I don’t want to be in an endless darkness again-”

“It’s not like the petrification-”

“How do you know?” Gen insists, throat feeling tight. “Have you been cryogenically frozen before?”

“No, but-”

“Then how do you know what happens? On the inside, I mean? How do you know they don’t feel the same? Floating in an endless darkness until you finally lose yourself. Unable to hear or see anything- I’ve already been through that once and I can’t-” his voice breaks and Senku must finally understand. He wraps his arms around Gen’s shoulders and Gen clings to Senku’s robe- “Promise me you won’t, Senku.” He breathes. “Please.”

Senku is quiet for a long while, simply holding Gen tightly in the silence of their hut, and Gen wonders for a minute if maybe Senku will fight him on it; wonders if he’ll wake up inside the cryo chamber as Senku is getting ready to freeze him, but Senku exhales slowly.

“I promise.” His words are soft, but they feel so heavy. Like this, Gen can feel Senku’s Adam’s apple bob when he swallows. 

\---

You would think having an expiration date looming over his head would make Senku want to do more with him- do all the things they haven’t had a chance to, explore places they haven’t been yet, do cute couple things- but you’d be wrong. 

“If you won’t let me freeze you, I’m going to do everything I can to find a way to help you without the cryo chamber,” Senku had vowed that night.

Work on the ship had already been slowed in an effort to prepare for winter, but Senku leaves the matter completely in the hands of Kaseki and Ryusui as he attempts to find something,  _ anything, _ to cure Gen, to do what even medical professionals in the past could only do due to decades of testing and research. Francois puts him on a strict diet, to make sure he gets the nutrients he needs without being too harsh on his stomach, and Suika has taken to staying near Gen no matter where he goes, lest he have another fainting spell and everyone treats him with “kid-gloves”, because they know Gen is terminally ill.

It’s as suffocating as it is comforting.

Winter is in full swing now, and though Gen has been able to eat the food Francois fixes him and the pain medicine Senku made for him helps the aches, he’s still constantly cold and tired- especially when Senku doesn't come to bed at night. He tries to coax the scientist to bed when he makes his way in, but the scientist usually waves him off, promising to be there soon with a soft kiss to Gen’s forehead or temple, but Gen can lay there for hours upon hours, watching the flickering light from the oil lamp cast shadows on the walls until he eventually falls asleep, still sans Senku. He’s never even sure if the man has been to bed in the middle of the night or simply worked the whole way through since he rises well after dawn now, and Senku is working already when he gets up.

But sometimes when he wakes, there’s another fur added to the pile on top of Gen, so he knows Senku at least checks on him through the night, and knowing that makes his heart ache. 

Some days, though, it’s like Senku can’t bear to be apart from Gen, and they sit side by side all day, even if it’s just Gen watching Senku create things or sketch blueprints. Once, during a big gathering, everyone had been telling the villagers tales about the world  _ before, _ and Gen had huddled close to Senku, the glow of the fire highlighting Senku’s cheekbones and laughing smile, and Senku’d wrapped his arm around Gen as he’d talked, and it was perfect. It felt normal. It felt like nothing was wrong; like they were just enjoying a bonfire and reminiscing on fun times had. But when Senku woke Gen an hour or so later, telling him it was time for bed, the pain and nausea had returned upon standing and reality came crashing back down around him. 

December is nearly over now. Gen only knows that because Senku’d mentioned it in passing. Gen stays indoors most of the time now, trying to keep warm and snug in their pile of furs. He sleeps more than he probably should, and skips meals because he just can’t stomach them, but he always puts on a smile when he has visitors, especially Suika, because he can see the pity in their eyes, and even now, weeks later, it smarts. 

He doesn’t want pity. He doesn't want everyone to talk about how miserable his last days were. He wants them to remember how he smiled, even when the pain was at its worst. 

He wants them to remember how he lived, not how he died.

In the cold, it takes longer to get to the bathroom and back, and by the time Gen begins climbing the ladder to the observatory again, he's chilled to the bone, trembling slightly as he fights his way up. He's going to have to talk to Senku about getting a hut on the ground, apparently. The ache in his chest is nearly unbearable, and though it's a little early, Gen thinks he might take some medicine and turn in for the night.

When he steps through the doorway, Senku is waiting, leaning against the edge of the work bench. "There you are," his shoulders sag almost imperceptibly. "I was wondering if I'd have to come find you."

He huffs laugh, lips curling up into a small smile as he wraps his arms around himself, rubbing his upper arms. "Sorry. It's so cold out there I nearly froze on the way back."

"I don't doubt it," Senku spreads his arms in invitation and Gen accepts readily, pressing himself against Senku's chest and burying his cold nose into the side of Senku's neck. Senku's hands rub his back through his furs, trying to bring more warmth into his chilled body, and Gen exhales slowly. "Are you tired?" Senku murmurs, slightly chapped lips brushing the shell of Gen's ear, and the mentalist nods.

"Exhausted," he whispers.

"Let's go to bed then," Senku offers, nuzzling Gen's cheek.

Senku helps Gen change, presses kisses to the back of his neck and shoulders, and helps Gen take his medicine. When he slips into the pile of furs, Senku is right behind him.

For the first time in weeks, Gen feels  _ warm _ in their pile of furs. He's pressed as close to Senku as possible, his cheek resting on Senku's pectoral and hand drawing nonsensical patterns over Senku's stomach. Senku's arm is wrapped around Gen's lower back, hand resting on Gen's hip, and Gen can hear every inhale and exhale from here; can feel the steady thrum of Senku's heartbeat.

"I've missed this," Gen murmurs. Senku's fingers twitch on his hip. 

"I'm sorry," Senku says quietly. "I wanted to try everything I could, but…"

"I know." Gen wonders if Senku can feel the smile he hides against Senku's chest. "You've always been stubborn like that. It's part of why I love you so much."

"I don't think you, of all people, have room to talk about me being stubborn," Senku gently pinches Gen's waist and he huffs another laugh.

"I guess you're right."

The silence lapses in the darkened observatory, but it's not uncomfortable. Here, in Senku's arms, it's warm and peaceful. 

"I love you too." Senku's words break the quiet and make Gen smile again; make Gen's heart skip a beat.

"It feels like it's been ages since we just… talked," Gen says, nuzzling Senku's chest.

"We talk every day," Senku murmurs, bringing up his other hand to brush aside Gen's bangs. "I think I talk to you more than anyone else in the village."

  
  


"You should really talk to your friends more," Gen chastises lightly. Senku's hand finds his in the dark, threading their fingers together with practiced ease. "But then, I'd probably be jealous of the time not spent with me."

"What do you want to talk about?" Senku asks. Gen hums softly, eyelids fluttering shut and body beginning to feel heavy. 

"Anything," he whispers. "Tell me about anything, Senku-chan," he squeezes Senku's hand tighter for a second, "I just like hearing you talk."

So he does.

Senku talks quietly about the progress on the ship, and about everyone in the village. He talks about the recipes Francois has been trying out, and how annoying it is that even after three thousand years, Yuzuriha and Taiju still won't confess their feelings to one another.

Senku talks for hours, staring into the darkness of their shared space and never letting go of the frail body in his arms.

He talks until he feels the soft, warm breaths against his neck cease, until the body in his arms goes completely slack…

And then he cries.


End file.
